The question of all questions...

I knew it was coming, but I didn't really want it to come so early...

Tonight, when I put Kaya to bed, she looked at me and said, "People don't die." I was really hoping that I could not say anything and she'd forget to ask me about it for another couple of years. Yeah, right. She looked at me again and said, "People don't die." In my head, I was going through all the different responses that I could possibly have to this statement and still didn't say a word. So she looked at me again and asked, "People don't die?" And I, in all of my motherly unknowingness, said, "Yes, they do." She then looked at me with a horrible look of despair and said, "People die?" I told her yes, but if they loved God they got to go to Heaven and live with Him forever. This didn't solve everything like I was hoping it would. She asked me the same thing again and I kept trying to convince her that Heaven made it all okay... Even better than okay... No, not in the mind of my three year old daughter. She started crying so hard it was all I could do to keep from breaking down myself. She kept saying, "I don't want to die" and sobbing and sobbing. I hugged her and held her and told her more about Heaven and eventually, the fact that we could go to Heaven and live forever and ever made it okay. For now.

My parents can attest to the fact that, as a child, I had an unnatural obsession with what would happen to us when we died. I was always thinking and worrying about it. And, to a certain extent, I still do. I know where I will go, but now I worry about my family, my daughter, my unborn child. I'm telling you - it's unnatural how much I think about this. My husband can now attest to this. I don't want this unnatural obsession for my daughter. I especially don't want it to start now, at three years old. I'm hoping that tonight's question is not the beginning of anything. I'm hoping it was just a question.

So now that Kaya is peacefully sleeping, I'm praying for good dreams and distraction until her level of comprehension exceeds that of a three year old. I really am happy that Kaya has such a curiousity and thirst for knowledge. (I'm just not always ready for it) God has blessed us with such a wonderful and amazing child. On this note, she has been VERY excited about the baby. She's really anxious to be able to feel movement and tries to convince it to kick hard enough for her to feel. It's cute to see her put her mouth right up to my stomach and say (very loudly), "Hello in there," then put her hands and head up to my stomach to feel the movement. It hasn't worked yet, but she keeps trying. :-) She's still stuck on "George" for a boy name, but her girl name keeps changing. It's been Lana, Genevieve, Pip, and I can't even remember what else. They're all very cute and she finally seems to be okay with the fact that we haven't picked a name, but only because we don't know if the baby's a boy or a girl. She loves this baby already and is determined to teach him/her everything she knows. And I'm sure she will. :-)

Well, now that you know more about me than I ever thought I'd post on this blog, I'm going to stop writing. I might come back later and delete parts of this, but in my attempt to let people know me for who I am, I'm going to try to resist this urge. :-)